Your opinions on surrogacy (1 Viewer)

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Angela

Roaming Contributor
Jul 28, 2016
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I have a very close friend who has come to understand she cannot have children, after many excruciating attempts.
When we just learned of her last incomplete pregnancy, my husband and I talked about my possibly being a surrogate mother for her. I have had this thought come in my path before, but only in very shallow google searches. Without any more concrete info, I didn't really pursue it and the little I saw intimidated me. This was also when I was in the throws of crap with my mom and thinking of taking a walk seemed intimidating. haha. ANYway.

I brought it up to my friend, and in doing so, learned that her sister and one of her coworkers also offered to carry for her, which warmed my heart. She's considering adoption and, even so, her husband didn't seem all that on board with surrogacy.
In that day though, it actually got me kind of excited? just thinking about it.

I had an extremely wonderful and fun pregnancy with my son. Birth went pretty well too. I felt empowered, beautiful, and enjoyed all the nuances of the pregnancy. But also, just that experience of imagining my friend getting her baby after all this time was really getting me emotional. It feels a little disconnected trying to consider doing this for a stranger, but surely the lot of them would be in such a similar state of wanting a child so badly as well, right?

We're still in research stage here, but I was also wondering what you guys thought of surrogacy. What are the spiritual implications of carrying someone else's child. Or, more so, bringing a new child into the world for another family. What if it wasn't in their "lesson plan" so to speak, to have a child? Am I playing God for them? Would I just be a transport for a baby or would some of me be set into the baby even if it's just a gestational pregnancy? Apparently a lot of places in the world feel it's akin to selling a child, in that the mother gets paid for doing this. (The little research I've seen has many questions making sure that the mother is well financially and not on any government assistance. That they have insurance and are not in such a dire state to just get money any way they can. This is apparently not the case in places like India, where many childless couples go to do it all there, since it's cheaper. But it leads way to exploitation of the surrogate mothers.)

I feel like I might be a good match for being a surrogate mother because of my focus on my health, and therefore the health of the child. I also have a strong desire to encourage life (in the face of, for example, suicide) but never felt strong enough to "fight the good fight" as one would say, in helping suicidal people. It would also be providing children to people who ache to have one of their own.

A small extra which involves part of the process, I would have to potentially (more than likely) take hormonal supplements to sync my cycle up with the mother to be's. It would be a lot of doctor/medical stuff and, while I'm starting to feel less odd about that, it still raises concerns for me. It feels a bit unnatural a process. But... is it worth it?

I'd like to hear your thoughts. Thanks, guys.
 

Linda

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Jul 20, 2016
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As I read your post, I kept hearing GIFT. I know there are many things to consider, but if you all worked out the details satisfactorily, then I see it as a gift.

One other thing - I feel it is quite reasonable, prudent, and intelligent to consider, identify, and work out all legal and financial details. It does not affect the value of the gift; it gives clarity to everyone and avoids confusion of intentions.
 

Bert

Rambling Companion
Jan 10, 2019
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I agree with what Linda said. It is a very big GIFT even with all practical arrangements.

Concerning the lifepath of the persons you are doing it for: everybody has free will and on the other side if it really shouldn't happen it will not succeed. So I would not worry about that. You have to decide if you want to bring a baby in this world for them.

That also brings me to another part on the emotional side. Take into account that pregnancies are not always successful.
I hope you will never have to deal with it but if you are a surrogate mother there will be the loss of the baby plus probably a guilty feeling of not being able to bring the child to the future parents.

concerning the question on the transport vessel: My belief is that part of you will go with the baby as you have carried it for nine months in your energy field.
This is not an issue perse but you have to be aware that part of you will go with the baby. This is also why it is such a big gift in my opinion.

Just make sure that your feelings are right at the start and that everything is financially an legally settled.
you will make the right decision. just listen to you heart.
 

Pucksterguy

Elder Entity
Jul 28, 2016
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Wow. What a call. Let alone something to do. Those above already discussed legalese etc. My only question is how prepared are you to give up that bundle of joy? No matter who donated the egg and sperm it's growing and living inside of you. That is a huge bond. How prepared are you to just give it away( not withstanding visitation rights) can you? Just something to think about.
 
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Angela

Angela

Roaming Contributor
Jul 28, 2016
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Wow. What a call. Let alone something to do. Those above already discussed legalese etc. My only question is how prepared are you to give up that bundle of joy? No matter who donated the egg and sperm it's growing and living inside of you. That is a huge bond. How prepared are you to just give it away( not withstanding visitation rights) can you? Just something to think about.
I'm not that concerned about that, actually. I'm sure there will be a period of mourning for all that I put into it and the baby and such. But it wouldn't be my baby to keep.
It also takes me a very long time to build an emotional bond. My own son took a couple years. I can't say this pregnancy would be the same, but given my tendencies and understanding of what would emotionally be going into it, I think I'd be okay.
 

Anaeika

Collected Consciousness
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Aug 28, 2016
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You sound like the perfect person to provide this gift.

A friend where I live paid a surrogate to have her daughter. The lady she paid was originally a stranger and they became close friends as a result, so I do believe you can do this for a stranger too. Linda is right about it being a GIFT. Do not try to overcomplicate it in your mind. If there is a will, there is a way. You open the door to that way. I feel it is a path of goodness and selflessness, which is very admirable. You provide a means to the gift of life.
 
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Hailstones Melt

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Aug 15, 2016
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Loving Angela, I know whatever you choose to do will be with sincerity, a fine intelligence, and sensitivity, as such are the qualities you have amply demonstrated.

Re Bert's point, if a soul decides not to enter a child's body and be birthed into the physical realm, it will continue to have evolutionary growth outside the parameters of our dimension and understanding. I think if we are considering anything in this pattern, it should be what the soul of the child itself may choose. Therefore, there is no guilt trip for the loss of a foetus within the birth cycle because it is the decision of the soul itself not to undertake that opportunity.

I, myself, fall on the side of not going ahead with surrogacy, for these and potentially many more, reasons:

Could you part with and give up a pet you had lovingly bonded with, and not feel emotional ties that lead to a feeling of loss? If not, then transpose that onto the situation with a baby.

Not every soul has the life-path of being a parent, as that is only one expression on this planet of many expressions. Acceptance may be the best key for your friend's inner journey.

I personally suffered an ongoing medical condition caused by the pregnancy and birth of my one child. Of course, I don't blame the child, but it is an extenuating circumstance that was included in the whole package of giving her life. Could you live forever with such debilitation if it happened to you during this pregnancy?

Could you release every attachment such as how you feel the child should be brought up? What if the parents suddenly joined a religious cult, or had some other life focus that you deem inappropriate?

The above points are reflections on yourself and the parents-to-be and how you all might react. But the really important one to consider is the life expression of the child who is the result of your efforts. It is certainly adding a further level of complication which may either be totally acceptable, or else unacceptable, into how the child understands its position in life and how he/she values herself. As the saying goes: "It is a tangled web we weave."

To bring it into focus, the birth mother, parents or care-givers are just the nest which is the springboard for life. Ultimately, what the soul who is entering the child chooses is how it wants to receive and learn its life lessons. In your case it may mean having an extra person to love.

I wish you peace and clarity with your decision. You are a brave, dear, heart.
 

Alain

Roaming Contributor
Aug 29, 2017
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read without the comments

i find it a noble thing to do, but it is also exploited in the world so normally there are more than one facade to see

what it can mean on a spiritual level i can t talk with
 
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