Why does this keep happening to me..? (1 Viewer)

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bakabrunkaka

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Sep 7, 2017
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Warning: Not a very pleasant reading. Long text. And this is not a “pity me”-thread. I just need some answers. :)

I’ve been thinking of this for quite a while. Years. And I bet I’m not alone.

When I was a child I had a lot of nightmares. Every other night I would say. But there might be reasons for it. As some of you already know I have a troubled past. At night I could often wake up because of my father was screaming and/or fighting with some dude from downstairs. Sometimes he was just delusional and crazy, talking to himself.

When my mother had her 40th birthday my stepbrother stabbed a guy right next to me with a kitchen knife and he almost lost his life. I was about 16 years old at this time. As I said in a thread before, this was a part of my everyday life. Nothing really unusual.

I remember a dream I had that was very real to me, I got this dream to me several years ago but could never understand was it was all about. I sometimes just get “flashes” of ugly stuff that happened in the past when I’m awake. Which often results in depression and a total lockdown of myself.

I often wake up, several times by night with bloody dreams. Not necessarily “nightmares” but just bad dreams, you know, war etc. That is very real. I always have to fight or run for my life in these dreams. As I wake up in the morning I’m always tired, exhausted from the night.. I’ve had sleeping problems for as long as I can remember. I will tell you about one of my dreams that I would be glad if anyone could interpret.

1.
I woke up inside of a wooden ship, it was broken and water was coming in. But it was stranded as well, like someone crashed this ship into a beach. I was dizzy and hurt, I began stumbling out onto the shallow beach and started looking around. The weather was beautiful, the water was blue. I looked to my right and saw a green, lush tropical forest. But I felt something was wrong.

I felt a need to check on my body, if I were hurt bad. As I look down at my chest I’m wearing a white old dirty shirt, like a “poet-shirt”. It was red and ripped, drained in my own blood. Although I didn’t feel any pain, I panicked and put my hands over my chest only to notice that I had several stabbing wounds, like a lot of them, all over my chest and stomach. I remember thinking “There is no way I will survive this, where do I go and what do I do?” in the same moment I started looking around again. I had the broken ship in my back, the blue lagoon ocean at my left and a tropical forest on the right of me. With no signs of civilization at all. I couldn’t decide where to go. I was standing there holding my stomach confused. But as I came to my senses I decided to run to the forest, hoping that someone might be there. In the same second I took the first step towards the forest I woke up and sweat was dripping from me.

Alrighty then, back to reality. :rolleyes: Let me change the subject just a bit.

I have a hard time adjusting to my new reality. 23 years of drugs, alcohol and violence has left its marks, that’s a fact. I have big problems with my social life, at times. Not always. But at times I can’t talk to people, I can’t go outside my room because just the thought of crowded places and people scares the living s**t outta me. But when I have a good “flow” in my life there is no problem, just the opposite, I’m quite social of me. Talking to strangers etc, which is a big Nono at “low times”. You catch my drift?

I can’t live my life like this. It makes me very tired.. I should probably see a physiatrist but I don’t like the “western-thoughts” of this.. I need another perspective in this. I know if I search help they will just give me medicine and probably a diagnosis, and I don’t want any of it.

Feel free to ask questions. Anything. I’ll try my best to answer them :)

Love bbk
 

Lila

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bakabrunkaka, I was just reading, and contributing to this post.... do the last few posts here mean anything to you or resonate for you? (the part about the rabbit hole and choices narrowing or becoming clearer): https://www.transients.info/roundtable/threads/questions-for-the-higher-self-higher-conscious-mind-or-soul.600/page-2#post-23615

Things do seem to feel like they are substantially changing in some fundamental way... maybe this makes it easier to hang in there/make sense of it all?<3

Either way, I'd like to offer you some virtual hugs<:)
 

Lila

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Here is another perspective on changes that seem to be pushing through: https://www.transients.info/roundtable/threads/positive-steps.1629/

I am also hearing (and feeling!:eek:) that things are really being ground through the grindstone at the moment, with an eye toward creating a new playing field that will be much more 'even' with less need to 'battle through'. Laron had posted an astrologer's post about it a while ago (Carl ___ with a French last name). I can't seem to find it just now...

... and then there is Maryann's consistently brilliant perspective: https://www.transients.info/roundtable/threads/truth-is-telling-nines-path-pleiadian-tarot-october-26.3797/
 
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bakabrunkaka

Involved Wayfarer
Sep 7, 2017
22
88
bakabrunkaka, I was just reading, and contributing to this post.... do the last few posts here mean anything to you or resonate for you? (the part about the rabbit hole and choices narrowing or becoming clearer): https://www.transients.info/roundtable/threads/questions-for-the-higher-self-higher-conscious-mind-or-soul.600/page-2#post-23615

Things do seem to feel like they are substantially changing in some fundamental way... maybe this makes it easier to hang in there/make sense of it all?<3

Either way, I'd like to offer you some virtual hugs<:)
Hey Lila! Yes pretty much. Stargazers comment;

"My perspective is a bit different then, as I've (very gratefully) been feeling that my choices have actually been expanding along with my consciousness. It's also interesting to me that, though my choices seem to be many, my "direction" if you will, seems to be much clearer now than ever. It's like I'm finally figuring out who I am, why I'm here, and where I need (as in want) to go.

My one exception to that is a second career. I have lots of options and absolutely NO idea where that is headed. It's perfectly OK though. I figure I'm either in a temporary "holding pattern" while Universe helps set things up for an optimal experience--or Universe is waiting for me to make up my own mind. In either case though, I feel I'll receive the guidance I need at just the right time and the ultimate choice will be up to me."

I can relate to this. This is how I've been feeling for a while. I know things are changing and I know it will take a while. The dreams that I have is not really a problem in my living (except that I'm always tired). I am in a period of my life where the world around me wants to change for my benefits, but I'm standing in the way of my Self. The problem is me who can't just go to a restaurant or a public place without being stressed out. The Universe keeps throwing opportunities at me, I notice this but I can't grab them.

Considering the second link, I don't watch news or mainstream media since way back. I have enough of "misery" to comprehend already haha :))

Edit: The third link was amazing! I've been thinking of this, no way all the storms and disasters is a coincidence. Something big is happening and where are all included.

Thank you, right back at you Lila!

Love bbk
 
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Stargazer

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Either way, I'd like to offer you some virtual hugs<:)
I can’t wait to dive into this thread, but I’m on my phone and will have to wait until later, when I’m on my laptop. In the meantime, I’m with Lila. I’d like to offer some unconditional hugs and supportive energy!
 

Linda

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I zeroed in on the ending of the dream when you chose the forest because you thought you had a better chance of getting help there. I think of forests as healing places. I see this dream as showing that you are ready to leave that ship that represents your old life and strike out for something new.

The energies we are experiencing are facilitating this in a big way. I'm seeing people around me change their perspectives and jobs very quickly. You've been through some significant traumas and my sense is that you are at point of releasing that baggage. I also feel that there are people around you who can help. You don't have to go through the traditional medical route. I would set my intention and ask for a most beneficial outcome for the right person to cross your path.

You will find many people here who will support you in your travels of discovery, and I think it will go better if you also have a wise one nearby to make the journey with you.
 
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bakabrunkaka

Involved Wayfarer
Sep 7, 2017
22
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I zeroed in on the ending of the dream when you chose the forest because you thought you had a better chance of getting help there. I think of forests as healing places. I see this dream as showing that you are ready to leave that ship that represents your old life and strike out for something new.

The energies we are experiencing are facilitating this in a big way. I'm seeing people around me change their perspectives and jobs very quickly. You've been through some significant traumas and my sense is that you are at point of releasing that baggage. I also feel that there are people around you who can help. You don't have to go through the traditional medical route. I would set my intention and ask for a most beneficial outcome for the right person to cross your path.

You will find many people here who will support you in your travels of discovery, and I think it will go better if you also have a wise one nearby to make the journey with you.
Yeah you have a good point. The thing is, I want to forget everything in my past and at the same time I want to remember every little detail, only because I don't want to forget who I am nor where I'm coming from. And Yes, I have people around me who would help me with my journey :) Sometimes I've felt like some persons I met recently is supposed to submerge into my life, but I again, choose not to take the opportunity.

Love bbk
 

Linda

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The thing is, I want to forget everything in my past and at the same time I want to remember every little detail, only because I don't want to forget who I am nor where I'm coming from.
This I understand. I've got things that I would like to toss into a corner of the attic. When we've forgiven, accepted, or worked through something, then we still can remember, but without the old feelings that went along with them. I've noticed this in the last couple of weeks. I was surprised to find nothing attached to old memories. Instead I saw them as learning points along my life, as well as that of the other people.

So, I think of it this way - looking at my yard, I can ignore the shrubs and trees or I can prune as necessary so they will be healthier. Then I can take the cuttings and turn them into mulch, which then nourishes the yard.
 

Stargazer

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And I bet I’m not alone.
Nope, bbk...you're not! :) We're all with you.

When I was a child I had a lot of nightmares.
I can definitely relate. I spent many a night as a child, crying myself to sleep as my parents screamed at each other in the kitchen. Back then, I had lots of nightmares too. I had many dreams of drowning--and suddenly "waking up" underwater, able to breathe. Given my recent exploration into spirituality, I'm now convinced that those dreams were actually memories of a past life and death. Perhaps this may be something to consider.

As an adult, I can also relate to the violent nightmares. I've had them frequently--and yes, it's definitely rough to wake up more tired than you were when you went to bed! In my experience, they're always nightmares about defense, where I'm having to either subdue an attacker from harming someone else, or protecting myself against attack. I almost always end up shooting the attacker or (thankfully) coming out alive. In any case, I'm sick of the violence and intending to process these "negative" emotions, integrate them, and begin experiencing something far more positive instead. The good news is that, as I'm learning to do this, it does seem to be working! :)

I remember a dream I had that was very real to me, I got this dream to me several years ago but could never understand was it was all about. I sometimes just get “flashes” of ugly stuff that happened in the past when I’m awake. Which often results in depression and a total lockdown of myself.
I don't consider myself to be especially "intuitive", so I'm afraid I'll have to pass on helping out with any interpretations! One thing I will say is this: as real as these dreams may be, at the end of the day they're just dreams. Whenever I wake up after having a nightmare and I try to process everything, one of the first things I do is acknowledge to myself that the experience was just a dream--and I try to feel grateful that it was only a dream. In other words, I feel gratitude that these kinds of situations aren't physically manifesting in my reality in this "now" moment. As I see it, this is "Universe's" way of helping us to work through and resolve these experiences without having to actually live or re-live them in the physical--and, obviously, that's a really good thing!

I have a hard time adjusting to my new reality. 23 years of drugs, alcohol and violence has left its marks, that’s a fact. I have big problems with my social life, at times. Not always. But at times I can’t talk to people, I can’t go outside my room because just the thought of crowded places and people scares the living s**t outta me. But when I have a good “flow” in my life there is no problem, just the opposite, I’m quite social of me. Talking to strangers etc, which is a big Nono at “low times”. You catch my drift?
Well if you're doing this well after such a long history, you're an inspiration. Like a tree that's suffered the ravages of sun, weather, ice, snow, rockfalls, and drought, you've managed to remain standing. And, just like the tree, those marks only add to the depth and beauty of your human character. Although it may not always show (since some are better at hiding them than others), I think everyone has some social issues. I suspect it's largely because we always compare ourselves to others--and we're usually our own worst enemy when it comes to that. Furthermore, depending upon our upbringing, many of us were always told (or wrongly learned) that we were somehow "less than" or "unworthy" growing up. It's really tough to overcome that kind of mental programming. But I'll be frank. That kind of treatment and thinking (that anyone is less than or unworthy) is complete and utter bullshit.

Many times, people like us that have had traumatic childhoods or experiences develop coping mechanisms that result in our becoming "empathic". That is, we feel emotions quite deeply--and we are often quite sensitive to the emotions of others as well. If you aren't familiar with the term or the idea, it might be worth looking into. Perhaps some of the information you find might be helpful. I wrote about my discovery of this concept in my blog--perhaps you might find that post to be of some value. You can find it here:

https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com/2017/02/28/remembering-infinity-travelling-light/

I also wrote something quite awhile back about my own process for working through hurtful emotions or episodes. Maybe you can find something helpful there too:

https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com/2015/01/19/remembering-infinity-working-through-the-hurt/

The Universe keeps throwing opportunities at me, I notice this but I can't grab them.
Try not to let the missed opportunities worry or bother you. Universe has a way of bringing you new ones (perhaps in different disguises) all the time. You might not feel ready for this particular one, but eventually (and especially if you want to work on things--and it definitely sounds like you do) another opportunity will come around. And next time, you just might be ready for it! :)

Yeah you have a good point. The thing is, I want to forget everything in my past and at the same time I want to remember every little detail, only because I don't want to forget who I am nor where I'm coming from.
I really like the idea that, in a cosmic sense and through higher (or more expanded) consciousness, nothing is ever lost or forgotten! In our limited, human form we certainly forget things. But if one considers the wholeness and timelessness of Universal Consciousness, all things are part of one immense being.

And those things that we want to forget? To "higher" consciousness, I suspect those experiences are often the ones that are most treasured--for they are the situations that made us the most human. If one can look objectively back through life's experiences and look at the goodness, beauty, and grace within, it is often those dark and difficult experiences that helped put them there. Bbk, the fact that you have made it through all those challenges shows that you are a very strong person. Never lose sight of that.

And please, always remember you're never alone. If you feel you need help, please seek it--in whatever way you feel is best for you.

I know it may not always feel like it, but you got this!!!

C'mon...bring it in for a bro hug. LOL!

 

Lorna Wilson

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Aug 4, 2016
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I woke up inside of a wooden ship, it was broken and water was coming in. But it was stranded as well, like someone crashed this ship into a beach. I was dizzy and hurt, I began stumbling out onto the shallow beach and started looking around. The weather was beautiful, the water was blue. I looked to my right and saw a green, lush tropical forest. But I felt something was wrong.

I felt a need to check on my body, if I were hurt bad. As I look down at my chest I’m wearing a white old dirty shirt, like a “poet-shirt”. It was red and ripped, drained in my own blood. Although I didn’t feel any pain, I panicked and put my hands over my chest only to notice that I had several stabbing wounds, like a lot of them, all over my chest and stomach. I remember thinking “There is no way I will survive this, where do I go and what do I do?” in the same moment I started looking around again. I had the broken ship in my back, the blue lagoon ocean at my left and a tropical forest on the right of me. With no signs of civilization at all. I couldn’t decide where to go. I was standing there holding my stomach confused. But as I came to my senses I decided to run to the forest, hoping that someone might be there. In the same second I took the first step towards the forest I woke up and sweat was dripping from me.
The first thought that came to me is that you 'wake up' from your 'dying' consciousness in a coffin = wooden ship
water = emotions are overflowing into your awareness

You are being shown that you can come 'to' without the need to be rescued by something external, and you have these choices ahead of you.

You feeling something is 'wrong' could simply be your fear about moving ahead.

Fear of the unknown = ''There is no way I will survive this, where do I go and what do I do?”

All that stuff about your chest is symbolic of deep wounding and hurt in your heart.

Your past and 'imprisonment' of consciousness is behind you = the boat, and the other choices are symbolic for other things are open to you. It interests me why you chose the forest....

Regarding the rest of your post, have you ever thought of getting your energy cleared? From what you've gone through you might have 'sub personalities' or thoughtforms and other things affecting your well being.
 
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bakabrunkaka

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Sep 7, 2017
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88
Linda Yeah I would like to think of myself that I've let all of those hurt feelings go. When thinking back I usually don't really feel anything, there're just memories by now. But yet again, sometimes it comes back and slaps me in my face. So I guess I've not truly ever gone to the root of the cause of this, yet.

I see Life as a "learning route", a playground or a preparation if you will, for something bigger, beyond this world. I've never felt "at home" in this place, not even since I was a child. I bet that's a big reason why I've always been running around, searching without any goal.

Thank you, I will definitely try do nourish my yard.

--

Stargazer "In a recent post I wrote about how “different” I felt from other kids growing up. One of the differences seemed to be that I was always quite sensitive to the feelings of others—as well as my own. If one of my classmates was angry, sad, or afraid of something, I immediately related myself to their situation and almost felt their emotions myself. If I saw someone who was ill or injured, I seemed to feel at least some of their depression or pain. And if I saw someone suffering from abuse or the loss of a loved one, I somehow felt I was experiencing their suffering or grief—whether they were a stranger or not."-

This. I've always felt this way, in good or bad. As a kid I always felt older than other kids somehow. I can't stand small talk with people, I need to talk about something real, which pretty much results in me being someone elses therapist for a minute or 30. Many people consider me being their "best friend" even though I consider myself only have one best friend. And I have no clue why this is.. At one time in my life I thought I was able to read peoples' minds, because sometimes I got thoughts and/or feelings in my body who I couldn't feel were my own. And seconds later the person in front of me would act on these thoughts or feelings without saying anything. I thought I was crazy, psychotic because of the drugs. I even considered suicide because of this, even my closest friends called me crazy as well. I later realized that I was just sensitive to other peoples' feelings. Other peoples' feelings would sometimes hurt more than my own. I can meet someone for the first time and within a second know wether it is a good person or a person who is looking for something for their own winnings. I usually don't get wrong in this. Though probably because I've needed this sense to survive in my world.

"First, as soon as I begin to feel the “heat” of intense emotions rising, I make every effort to stay as calm and detached from them as possible. I try to imagine myself as a boat on the open sea, allowing the waves of adrenaline and distress to pass beneath me. Then I close my eyes and take several deep breaths as I envision the waves slowly dissipating. I consciously relax my body and mentally “let go” of any intensely charged emotions. These first brief moments often provide me with the space I need to remain calm and respond to the situation in a more balanced way. They also help to ensure that I don’t over-react and make things even worse."

This as well. I'm always calm, and so I've heard, maybe sometimes even "too calm". Since I grew up in alot of anger etc, I don't want to pass this down. I don't ever feel good being in anger, I need to spread love, that's when I feel good about myself. "Peace, Love and Understanding you know". I can master myself in most cases, but this often results in suppressed feelings, you know. Don't get me wrong, I don't burst out in anger when the level raises, I never do, I rather break down and cry for an hour or so. Happens like once a month, I'm good at putting feelings on top of eachother til' it falls. This is when I lock myself in for a week or so. I always feel a great release afterwards though.

I've read everything you posted and I can't thank you enough for your loving words. I can't even answer all of it. We definitely have some things' in common. If people like you would run for president instead of people like Trump, the world would be a happy place. :)) Love your blog, you have a new follower.

Haha, I'm sending back all of your love and hugs, right back at you brother <3

--

Lorna Wilson

Wow, your post really got to me, somehow I'm actually speechless lol.

Well, I would like to think I chose the forest because the ocean was a never-ending story.

Get my energy cleared. I'm afraid you'll have to elaborate. Well, yeah I've tried different meditations etc, and I'm probably going to do a session soon where I'm going to find my "spirit animal". But no, nothing that I can think of.

I searched for "subpersonality" and read about in Wikipedia but I'm not sure that I understand what it is.

--
Thank you all for your support. You all are very kind and loving human beings, especially for someone you don't know in person. If there is a Biblical heaven, I bet you all are going to hell. (Just kidding, don't hate me! ;)O.o:Do:))

Love bbk
 
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June

Elder Entity
Aug 3, 2016
1,725
5,146
Nope, bbk...you're not! :) We're all with you.



I can definitely relate. I spent many a night as a child, crying myself to sleep as my parents screamed at each other in the kitchen. Back then, I had lots of nightmares too. I had many dreams of drowning--and suddenly "waking up" underwater, able to breathe. Given my recent exploration into spirituality, I'm now convinced that those dreams were actually memories of a past life and death. Perhaps this may be something to consider.

As an adult, I can also relate to the violent nightmares. I've had them frequently--and yes, it's definitely rough to wake up more tired than you were when you went to bed! In my experience, they're always nightmares about defense, where I'm having to either subdue an attacker from harming someone else, or protecting myself against attack. I almost always end up shooting the attacker or (thankfully) coming out alive. In any case, I'm sick of the violence and intending to process these "negative" emotions, integrate them, and begin experiencing something far more positive instead. The good news is that, as I'm learning to do this, it does seem to be working! :)



I don't consider myself to be especially "intuitive", so I'm afraid I'll have to pass on helping out with any interpretations! One thing I will say is this: as real as these dreams may be, at the end of the day they're just dreams. Whenever I wake up after having a nightmare and I try to process everything, one of the first things I do is acknowledge to myself that the experience was just a dream--and I try to feel grateful that it was only a dream. In other words, I feel gratitude that these kinds of situations aren't physically manifesting in my reality in this "now" moment. As I see it, this is "Universe's" way of helping us to work through and resolve these experiences without having to actually live or re-live them in the physical--and, obviously, that's a really good thing!



Well if you're doing this well after such a long history, you're an inspiration. Like a tree that's suffered the ravages of sun, weather, ice, snow, rockfalls, and drought, you've managed to remain standing. And, just like the tree, those marks only add to the depth and beauty of your human character. Although it may not always show (since some are better at hiding them than others), I think everyone has some social issues. I suspect it's largely because we always compare ourselves to others--and we're usually our own worst enemy when it comes to that. Furthermore, depending upon our upbringing, many of us were always told (or wrongly learned) that we were somehow "less than" or "unworthy" growing up. It's really tough to overcome that kind of mental programming. But I'll be frank. That kind of treatment and thinking (that anyone is less than or unworthy) is complete and utter bullshit.

Many times, people like us that have had traumatic childhoods or experiences develop coping mechanisms that result in our becoming "empathic". That is, we feel emotions quite deeply--and we are often quite sensitive to the emotions of others as well. If you aren't familiar with the term or the idea, it might be worth looking into. Perhaps some of the information you find might be helpful. I wrote about my discovery of this concept in my blog--perhaps you might find that post to be of some value. You can find it here:

https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com/2017/02/28/remembering-infinity-travelling-light/

I also wrote something quite awhile back about my own process for working through hurtful emotions or episodes. Maybe you can find something helpful there too:

https://rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com/2015/01/19/remembering-infinity-working-through-the-hurt/



Try not to let the missed opportunities worry or bother you. Universe has a way of bringing you new ones (perhaps in different disguises) all the time. You might not feel ready for this particular one, but eventually (and especially if you want to work on things--and it definitely sounds like you do) another opportunity will come around. And next time, you just might be ready for it! :)



I really like the idea that, in a cosmic sense and through higher (or more expanded) consciousness, nothing is ever lost or forgotten! In our limited, human form we certainly forget things. But if one considers the wholeness and timelessness of Universal Consciousness, all things are part of one immense being.

And those things that we want to forget? To "higher" consciousness, I suspect those experiences are often the ones that are most treasured--for they are the situations that made us the most human. If one can look objectively back through life's experiences and look at the goodness, beauty, and grace within, it is often those dark and difficult experiences that helped put them there. Bbk, the fact that you have made it through all those challenges shows that you are a very strong person. Never lose sight of that.

And please, always remember you're never alone. If you feel you need help, please seek it--in whatever way you feel is best for you.

I know it may not always feel like it, but you got this!!!

C'mon...bring it in for a bro hug. LOL!

What an amazing, wonderful picture SG thank you, you always come up trumps
 

Stargazer

Collected Consciousness
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Jul 28, 2016
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rememberinginfinity.wordpress.com
Thanks bbk. I'm so glad my post helped! Just remember, you're never alone. There are millions of folks who have had and overcome traumas--and I'll wager there are quite a few here.

I definitely want to reinforce the idea of togetherness, so here are a couple of quotes from a different blog post (the whole post can be found here):

"...it occurs to me that life in the “physical realm” is a lot like a journey through the Hall of Mirrors. Things are rarely what they seem, the Truth of our path is cleverly hidden, and it’s exceedingly difficult not to become immersed in and confused by all the panic and commotion that surrounds us. At those times when I feel most lost in the maze of Life’s mirrors, I’ve learned that it helps to just stop for a moment and seek my own inner calm. The quiet sense of peace and reassurance I find reminds me that this is all just a game—and that everything here is just an illusion."

And:

"...if the illusion of Life ever overtakes you and you find yourself feeling even a little afraid, just remember that it’s perfectly OK. Everyone feels that way from time to time. Just grab my hand or the hand of the person next to you. We can all make our way through this amazing and wonderful House of Mirrors…together."


(emphasis added).

<3 <3 <3
 

Lorna Wilson

Roaming Contributor
Retired Global Moderator
Aug 4, 2016
545
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www.lornawilsonqhhthealing.co.uk
Get my energy cleared. I'm afraid you'll have to elaborate.
The simplest way forward is to do things to ensure that you are grounded. It is impossible to live in the past through memories and be grounded at the same time because a lot of your energy/life force is not fully occupying your body as you are in 'living in the mind'. I would also highly recommend EFT to clear the negative thoughts/feelings/beliefs out of your nervous system.


EFT has been endorsed by such respected scientists as Drs. William Tiller, Bruce Lipton, David Feinstein and Candace Pert (the research scientist who discovered endorphins).
FAQ https://www.tapwithbrad.com/faqs/
 

Anaeika

Collected Consciousness
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Aug 28, 2016
2,331
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I am so glad you found this forum and you are so brave to open up about this!! I can relate to you about feeling alone as a child being able to feel other’s emotions. I need my alone time to recharge from it all. Thank you for choosing to step forward and work through your pain.

Everything everyone posted is really great information, really touching on spirituality. To add to this, I’d like to say that I am a psychologist & if you came into my clinic, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) would be the diagnosis running through my mind, based on what you have stated. You can see just a counselor to process these emotions, gain coping skills, & move forward in life without medication. I’d find one who incorporates the whole medicine wheel: physical, emotional, spiritual, & intellectual. I do believe you have learned to become detached from your past traumas, but the pain still bubbles up and comes out in various forms, such as anger etc. You’ve been burying them. These can all be cleared!
Anyhow, I wanted to give you another perspective and not feel afraid of traditional methods too as they also have merit. Do what resonates to you and let your intuition guide you to whatever healing modality you choose. In the meantime, you’re on my radar & I am sending you lots of love!
 

Out of Time

Roaming Contributor
Sep 5, 2016
617
1,756
Last month was my birthday and just before that I got the usual Saturn hole effect and really was able to find no reason for continuing my existence. It is not that I was planning an exit, I just saw no purpose in doing the things that I do. My twin suggested seeing a psychologist, to which I replied that I know that I won't find anybody who could help me because they would be confined to their limited knowledge of things. My expectations are that they won't even be aware of concepts like past lives and starseeds. And here comes Anaeika , much to my surprise.

The feeling of desperation and hopelessness started to pass at the end of my birthday, then it came again, and I asked the spokeswoman of my people to take a look at the energies around me and she saw something I had a lot of fun with. I have been feeling much better since then.
 

Anaeika

Collected Consciousness
Retired Moderator
Aug 28, 2016
2,331
6,421
Oot, there are others like me in the field. I worked w/ 4! Is it no wonder that we are attracted to help others in this way?! It’s a matter of finding the right one.
 
OP
B

bakabrunkaka

Involved Wayfarer
Sep 7, 2017
22
88
Stargazer Thank you once again, trust me, everything you write helps. <3

Lorna Wilson Alright yes, I know what you mean. I'm still working on that though, trying to be grounded. But it's really hard at times. EFT sounds amazing! I will definitely read more about it! Thank you Lorna.


I am so glad you found this forum and you are so brave to open up about this!! I can relate to you about feeling alone as a child being able to feel other’s emotions. I need my alone time to recharge from it all. Thank you for choosing to step forward and work through your pain.

Everything everyone posted is really great information, really touching on spirituality. To add to this, I’d like to say that I am a psychologist & if you came into my clinic, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) would be the diagnosis running through my mind, based on what you have stated. You can see just a counselor to process these emotions, gain coping skills, & move forward in life without medication. I’d find one who incorporates the whole medicine wheel: physical, emotional, spiritual, & intellectual. I do believe you have learned to become detached from your past traumas, but the pain still bubbles up and comes out in various forms, such as anger etc. You’ve been burying them. These can all be cleared!
Anyhow, I wanted to give you another perspective and not feel afraid of traditional methods too as they also have merit. Do what resonates to you and let your intuition guide you to whatever healing modality you choose. In the meantime, you’re on my radar & I am sending you lots of love!
Hey Anaeika! I'm glad I did as well!

Yes I also need my alone time, quite often actually. Being around people all of the time and taking in other peoples' energies is exhausting.

Really? PTSD? Well I will try to find out as I go on with my travelling around the globe. But when I'm more grounded and live in one place for a longer period of time, I will start looking more for help.. The thing is I find it really hard to find people who as you say, "who incorporates the whole medicine wheel". At least in my homecountry where pretty much noone see this as a real thing.

The reason I don't like traditional methods is because I've tried some of them, and not with a good outcome. I remembering going to a couple of psychiatrists when I was younger. But they told me that "If you tell me something that is illegal and punishable with at least 2 years, I will have to call the police on you".

So that pretty much made me silent, because everything that I did in the past and at that time, was punishable with at least 10 years.. I grew up as a criminal as a result of my surroundings. And I stopped talking to them as soon as they said these words.

Another thing is when I tried to get clean, I basically told them "I surrender to you, help me get cleaned up" and I got sent to a place who had treatment. But the treatment is soooo bad you can't even imagine. They locked me up with 15 people who was mentally ill, most of them had psychosis and was not even present in this world. Then there was another 4-5 people like me. With drug issues. The people who was supposed to watch over us was not even educated in addiction. There was 2 nurses who just gave us pills when we got sick. No one to talk to.. Bars on the windows etc. I wasn't even allowed to walk outside for 7 days. I love nature and I love to go for a walk in clean air, but they would't let me. That's what I need to get well, and I knew this. I asked for transfer but no. I almost went berserk/crazy in there. It truly felt like prison, but it was supposed to be a hospital/detox for addicts. After 7 days I was allowed to walk with personnel on the yard.

After another 7 days, finally someone with authority came to visit us, and talked to us one on one to see how we were doing. I told her about everything and that I needed fresh air, and how depressed this made me, wich she replied "You can go outside whenever you want. This is a free treatment and just ask the nurse to unlock the doors. The nurses have no power to not let you out, you can even refuse treatment whenever you want." Which I did. I borrowed her phone and called my social worker. I told her I've just spent 14 days in hell and I'm leaving this place as we speak. And I did. I packed my stuff the same day and went out to the streets again. A couple of days after that my social worker had arranged an apartment for me, which probably saved my life. I couldn't believe how the nurse took my freedom in her own hands. Never again.

When you are so sick you can't even walk, this is a nightmare. 4-5 people sleeping in the same room when you just want to be alone. After this I promised myself never to see a place like that again, so they scared me straight lol. I knew better what I needed for myself, which was love from family and friends, fresh air, long walks and just being a free individual.

But I'm still open for different treatments of course. All I needed was to talk, and I guess it still is :)

Thank you for your post, very helpful! That goes to all of you! <3
 

Lila

Collected Consciousness
Staff member
RT Supporter
Global Moderator
Board Moderator
Jul 28, 2016
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I knew better what I needed for myself, which was love from family and friends, fresh air, long walks and just being a free individual.
I think this is what we all need as much of as we can find!
*Edit: ... or is it as much as we can attract?*
 
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My Interpretation:
The dream is the subconscious mind replaying your childhood in a dream.
Wrecked ship = family/home life
You leaving ship and not knowing where you are = leaving family and unsure what and who to be in the world.
Stomach and chest wounds = internal wounds and thinking patterns learned from family.
Scene:- Ship, beach, forest = Equals choices: return to way of living taught by family (stay with ship) roam down beach (stay near ship meaning leaving family but not getting too far away from patterns/fear and ways of dealing with things as family did. Forest whole new world, new living, new choices, new thinking and reaction patterns.

The forest (utterly new way of living requiring learning new ways of thinking, reacting and taking in new things) would be a real pattern changer, allowing you to put the ocean and wrecked ship totally behind you. However, as you are experiencing in the 'forest' you are fearful to join with the forest creatures, and stay away from crowded places. To truly leave the ocean and wrecked ship behind you you'll want to become a citizen of the forest.

I agree with your hesitancy of seeing a western medicine phycologist, so recommend finding a small support group of some type. There usually are numerous ones available in towns and cities. Check Meet-up groups online, check at your local metaphysical store for billboards, check with local spiritualist churches and other churches. You may have to try a few different ones out to find the right fit for you, which will mean overcoming your fear of going into places with 'other forest creatures'. Keep in mind many there maybe as scared as you are an enacting great acts of personal bravery to force themselves to even show up - like shy forest creatures hurriedly and with great fear sipping from a watering hole. However as you force yourself to leave the ways of 'the ship' and bravely push yourself way out of your comfort zone you will be etching new pattern onto your subconscious and this will become reflected in your dream world as new types of dreams start to come - showing you that you are truly becoming a different person due to the new exposures and new thought patterns.

Great discomfort leads to great change - lack of new things means no change. Force your evolution - brave new ways, new situations, new friends. :)
 

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