Lack of boundaries in families looks like... (1 Viewer)

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Healing Facilitator & Consciousness Guide
Staff member
Creator of & The Roundtable
Jul 19, 2016
Christchurch, New Zealand
"Our parent-figures teach us boundaries. They teach us by how they model them, themselves.

Boundaries are our clear limits. They allow us to connect in healthy ways while also keeping our autonomy.

I grew up in a home where there was severe enmeshment— enmeshment is a lack of boundaries.

When my mom felt an emotion, we all felt an emotion. There was no space, no allowing for different emotions, + lots of group think “we Lepera’s like x” or “we don’t do x.”

There was also a lot of triangulation which often happens when there’s lack of emotional boundaries. My mom would get angry with one of us + go into silent treatment. My dad would be involved, passing notes if she needed to tell us something. In homes without boundaries, there is no such thing as disagreement or conflict that doesn’t involve the whole family unit.

Of course, none of the copdendency conditioning seemed abnormal to me. It’s what I was used to. It’s no wonder that as an adults I didn’t have clear boundaries. I didn’t understand them.

I would feel waves of guilt + fear for even wanting time or space to myself.

Most of us have to relearn boundaries as adults. We have to come to see them as an act of loving self-care, not punishment or abandonment.

Holidays can show us a LOT about the boundaries (or lack) we’ve had growing up. Any ‘ah-ha’ moments for this community?" #selfhealers

~ The Holistic Psychologist

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