Child sleeping arrangements (1 Viewer)

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Tristan

Involved Wayfarer
Apr 28, 2017
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Greeting table members and fellow parents. I thought I would start a thread on consciousness sleeping arrangements for young children.
As a first time parent for our ten month old Boy (Lyran) I like to observe his developing patterns and communication so I may quickly adapt, reseach and intuitively experiment what works and what doesn't.
With sleep being such an important part of our lives there are alot of key elements that work towards or against a good night sleep.

I find it amazing reading and conversing with other parents that a staggering amount have ongoing trouble either putting their youngling to sleep or having them wake up every 2-3 hours during the night.

I do not believe it when I'm told "baby's can cry for no reason, it's their way of communicating"
to me that statement is a contradiction in itself and one I have never taken onboard.
Cause and effect.

One of the challenges new parents face is co-sleeping.
Do I? Don't I? Should I? Could I?

we were advised highly by our friendly Plunket nurse (New Zealand help and support for families) who I do respect and value, strongly urge not to co-sleep. I can see the dangers of rolling over and smothering a new born loved one, however I feel there are ways around this e.g placing them in a washing basket or tok tray lined with blankets and cushioning. This would ensure the child's safety aswell as keeping them close.
I feel it extremely important to keep my child close in times of his need as it is natural instinct to want to feel safe and warm being so new.
I also do not wish for an ongoing parent/child deep attachment dependence, as having my own time/space is crucial to refilling an empty so to speak, aswell as teaching our child independence from an early age. The idea of keeping my child in a cot with bars awaiting our arrival does not resonate with me as it reminds me of what it would be like in jail.
I'm breaking away from this method and experimenting with a new one that I have found quite balanced.

Our bedroom is childproof (as much as possible lol)
at the end of our bed we have placed his mattress on the ground with all the fittings and on the other side we have a couch which forms a barrier to ensure he doesn't roll out in the night. A d.i.y bed head made from a plank of wood wrapped in blankets and nothing to stop him crawling out at the bottom.
this enables our child to get up on his own accord whenever he feels like it. Like I said I watch and his behaviour very carefully often from a camera/ monitor system outside of the room.
every day is different and it has taken slightly extra effort keeping him in bed however I feel the pro's much weigh out con's.
rather than relying on us for his every need in a cot he has more freedom and mobility to either play with some toys, have a snack or drink from his bottle. After about 2 weeks of this experiment quite often we find that little extra sleep in or during the day he often will play by himself for upwards of an hour on his own before crawling out to the lounge where he is welcomed and greeted with love. He becomes extatic and proud that he can work his way out of bed through the door left ajar and find his parents.
he also has the comfort of sleeping with us as we can easily lay beside and comfort him to sleep aswell as allow him up in our bed when need be.
setting and environment is crucial to early and ongoing development I feel.
what are some other tools and techniques you've come across that have worked for you?
 
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Angela

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Jul 28, 2016
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We coslept as well. It was never an issue. I think I rolled towards my son once and he cried, so I moved. It wasn't as big of a deal for us as we were sleeping light with all the waking and stuff. He slept on us and beside us and everything.

I don't know that I'm the best person to comment though because it did not help with our sleep. I was not eating enough initially, so he fed every couple hours for the first several months. Then I got terribly sick and suffered from some pretty severe postpartum depression. Heh. I stopped nursing at 15 months (which I would've gone longer if I was not in dire need of taking care of myself). He didn't move out of the room until he was two.

But we used a cosleeper and after that we got a blow up bed that had bumper sides and wedged it between our bed and the wall. He would often come up because he is very attached to me. He still is, honestly, and he's 6 now.

I'm sure cosleeping helped, and I wouldn't have done it any other way. It was almost like there wasn't even another option. This is what we were doing. But I won't lie. It was really hard on me. I had a severely difficult time with getting any "me" time, any sleep as well, and I reiterate that I was very sick (Though he didn't have his first sickness, a small cold, until his first birthday) and was living through some real time trauma during it all. Heh.

You seem like you have it pretty well together! Haha. How old is your little one? So much changes in those first couple years, it's almost hard to keep up!
 
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Hailstones Melt

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Aug 15, 2016
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I put my baby in her own room across from the parents' room from the start. I settled her at night by sitting on a sofa near her cot, in the dark, quietly, no speaking, music, noises, and this sitting silently could go on for up to 2 hours, and then I would quietly pad out of the room. Although this seems excessive (as I was working as well after she turned 5 months old) I did it to train her to darkness, and not to fear being in the dark. She never needed a night light because of that, and sunlight would come into the room in the morning, which gave her a natural sleeping rhythm. I was constantly amazed when she had children over for sleepovers when she was 5 or 6 years old, who could never sleep in a dark room. Their light kept her awake, and her dark kept them awake. Hmm.

The funny thing is, as time puts a buffer zone between you and those experiences, you forget a lot of detail about what you went through during those early stages.
 
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Tristan

Tristan

Involved Wayfarer
Apr 28, 2017
36
75
We coslept as well. It was never an issue. I think I rolled towards my son once and he cried, so I moved. It wasn't as big of a deal for us as we were sleeping light with all the waking and stuff. He slept on us and beside us and everything.

I don't know that I'm the best person to comment though because it did not help with our sleep. I was not eating enough initially, so he fed every couple hours for the first several months. Then I got terribly sick and suffered from some pretty severe postpartum depression. Heh. I stopped nursing at 15 months (which I would've gone longer if I was not in dire need of taking care of myself). He didn't move out of the room until he was two.

But we used a cosleeper and after that we got a blow up bed that had bumper sides and wedged it between our bed and the wall. He would often come up because he is very attached to me. He still is, honestly, and he's 6 now.

I'm sure cosleeping helped, and I wouldn't have done it any other way. It was almost like there wasn't even another option. This is what we were doing. But I won't lie. It was really hard on me. I had a severely difficult time with getting any "me" time, any sleep as well, and I reiterate that I was very sick (Though he didn't have his first sickness, a small cold, until his first birthday) and was living through some real time trauma during it all. Heh.

You seem like you have it pretty well together! Haha. How old is your little one? So much changes in those first couple years, it's almost hard to keep up!
We coslept as well. It was never an issue. I think I rolled towards my son once and he cried, so I moved. It wasn't as big of a deal for us as we were sleeping light with all the waking and stuff. He slept on us and beside us and everything.

I don't know that I'm the best person to comment though because it did not help with our sleep. I was not eating enough initially, so he fed every couple hours for the first several months. Then I got terribly sick and suffered from some pretty severe postpartum depression. Heh. I stopped nursing at 15 months (which I would've gone longer if I was not in dire need of taking care of myself). He didn't move out of the room until he was two.

But we used a cosleeper and after that we got a blow up bed that had bumper sides and wedged it between our bed and the wall. He would often come up because he is very attached to me. He still is, honestly, and he's 6 now.

I'm sure cosleeping helped, and I wouldn't have done it any other way. It was almost like there wasn't even another option. This is what we were doing. But I won't lie. It was really hard on me. I had a severely difficult time with getting any "me" time, any sleep as well, and I reiterate that I was very sick (Though he didn't have his first sickness, a small cold, until his first birthday) and was living through some real time trauma during it all. Heh.

You seem like you have it pretty well together! Haha. How old is your little one? So much changes in those first couple years, it's almost hard to keep up!
Thanks for sharing! My boy is almost 11 months now. There is no shame for getting sick or stopping breast feeding early. Things don't always work out as planned and sometimes we have to make allowences for that. Our boy was on a bottle at 3 months and full time bottle by 8. We have him on 3 meals a day now of organic steamed fruit and veg aswell as bottle. As long as they get their nutrients and love all should be fine I feel.
 
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Tristan

Tristan

Involved Wayfarer
Apr 28, 2017
36
75
I put my baby in her own room across from the parents' room from the start. I settled her at night by sitting on a sofa near her cot, in the dark, quietly, no speaking, music, noises, and this sitting silently could go on for up to 2 hours, and then I would quietly pad out of the room. Although this seems excessive (as I was working as well after she turned 5 months old) I did it to train her to darkness, and not to fear being in the dark. She never needed a night light because of that, and sunlight would come into the room in the morning, which gave her a natural sleeping rhythm. I was constantly amazed when she had children over for sleepovers when she was 5 or 6 years old, who could never sleep in a dark room. Their light kept her awake, and her dark kept them awake. Hmm.

The funny thing is, as time puts a buffer zone between you and those experiences, you forget a lot of detail about what you went through during those early stages.
We adopt a very similar set and tone. Pitch black and no noise or distractions. Im starting to play with him gentle quiet games on odd occasions if he repeatedly gets up and won't sleep. I've been told I shouldn't but those times are often the most bonding! I think "pack mentality" alot when pondering sleep patterns. 2 hours is quite admirable and dedicated I'd likely tag out within one!
 

Linda

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Jul 20, 2016
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I had to use the wayback machine for my experiences. I don't think anyone knew about co-sleeping then, but some of my younger friends did that, and their children (early teens now) are great kids.

Our sleep routine in the early months was me rocking her and singing whatever I could recall. One of the favorites was the Beach Boys song, Sloop John B - not really so much of a lullaby but I made up my own verses - lol. After that, it was stories that I made up, which usually involved a friendly dragon taking her on a great adventure. (My daughter still recalls them fondly.) She slept in our room for the first few months and then in her own that was nearby. We would pull the door part way closed, but not all the way. We would go with our lives, albeit more quietly. She ended up being a good sleeper. Later on, when I went back to work, and she stayed with a friend, we added to the ritual with the packing of her backpack and placing it by the front door and setting out 2 outfits for the following day, so she could have a choice. Here is something funny - what did she want in her hand when she went to sleep - a book. Good thing we had a few of the soft ones.
 
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Tristan

Tristan

Involved Wayfarer
Apr 28, 2017
36
75
That's beautiful Linda, thank you for sharing. We're cautious about alot of the old school nursery rhymes so we tend to make our own songs and story's also. I think it makes things that much more special. We've discovered Baby's go Bob Marleyon youtube, aswell as various other mash ups that make for a pleasant back drop rather than those super catchy children songs that can easily get stuck in one's head. The wheels on the bus can only go around so many times haha!!

I'm experimenting different genre's of music during the day like classical and binurial beats to see what he likes. I'm thinking in time when he's older I'd like to incorporate these into a sleep setting.
 
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therium

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Nov 1, 2018
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Michigan
My son had his room and crib across the hall from ours. I regret doing this now. We didn't know it at the time but I think my son had a higher need to be next to us as he fell asleep. I had the same need, it's like I could feel their energy field if I was close enough and it made me feel calm. He seems to have high anxiety like me, my dad, and both my grandfathers. We know that anxiety potential can be passed down generations through genes, but also through epigenetics. That is, the genes give us POTENTIAL to develop an anxiety disorder if certain events happen. When the events happen, and the potential is triggered into a full anxiety disorder, the epigenetics change and then if the parent has kids after the anxiety disorder develops, this can change the epigenetics of the child too. My mom's father saw some action in WW2 at Midway and likely had PTSD. He never could talk about the war.

What I would do now:
  1. Put his crib next to ours in the main bedroom so he could sense our presence. I'd do this through age 4 or 5.
  2. As he got older I would let him fall asleep near us then put him in his own bedroom.
Naturally kids have an imagination (or sensitivity?) to see monsters. So several times I had to get some special monster spray from the store. One night when my son complained of monsters I read the label thusly: "This spray works on monsters of all types, in the closet, under the bed, and in dark corners, and leaves a pleasant mountain fresh scent. And little kids who eat their vegetable are not tasty to monsters at all."

I proceeded to spray in his closet and under his bed and told him to come get us if he needed another "monster fumigation".
 

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