Why is breaking up with people so painful? In this short video below Sadhguru tells us that our body is a complex amalgamation of memories because of genetic and life experiences.
Another way to think of this is that our body is made up of roughly 60% water, and when we are born, about 77%. Memory can be thought of in a similar way, in terms of how much of it makes up who we are.
Through the five human senses, what we see and what we touch are two of the most important aspects of how our memories are formed, Sadhguru explains. A romantic relationship involves a lot of touch, so when we are no longer together that is going to mean no more physical contact, as well as not ‘seeing’ the other person anymore. Therefore breaking up can be a painful experience.
With the analogy of how leaving someone can be similar to dropping a bag and walking away, the bag can sometimes stick and if you rip it off, there can be a great deal of pain.
Sadhguru mentions that no matter how psychologically prepared we are, and how emotionally stable, there is still a process that that you have to go through because of how that memory resides in our bodies cells, especially if you have lived together a long time. Therefore this is like an internal death for the body and the more memory that has accumulated, the harder it is physically, emotionally and mentally.
Jumping into another relationship after a breakup too soon can actually create additional turmoil. The body requires time to heal, Sadhguru says, and distance is also required from other relationships.
Two people’s memories combine as a result of a relationship. Because memory is such a large part of who we are, it is like ripping yourself in two as we are each a large bundle of memory.
But my doing sufficient inner spiritual work we can come to the realisation that each of us are already complete beings and we don’t need someone else to feel whole, as many seem interdependent upon being in a relationship.