Accepting our family (1 Viewer)

[Solnarehyah]

My family and I have always been very close. We used to always be in each other's business and so butt head a lot. Now Since my awakening, I've felt stranger discomfort interacting with them. They are on their spiritual journey, regular meditators and everything and yet we I am left feeling drained and shaken after I interact with them. I've been trying to find an answer for a while. So a few day ago I just connected to Source and asked for answers.
It turns out I was judging and segregating as much as I thought they were doing to me. I am afraid to be around them because, I am afraid I'll turn into them. I went through much physical and emotional abuse as a child and definately some scars but this is different. So finally as the insight was flowing more freely I figured it out.

We choose as our family, the souls we have the heaviest karmic debt with and pay it off all life so basically I carry in memory lifetimes of negative emotions for the souls who are my current family and now I have to accept them unconditionally to clear this debt.
Afterwards I realized one of my gurus used to say something similar but it never ever registered this way. I find this a tough challenge because I have to do this with my eyes open. ;--)

 

[Stargazer]

My family and I have always been very close. We used to always be in each other's business and so butt head a lot. Now Since my awakening, I've felt stranger discomfort interacting with them. They are on their spiritual journey, regular meditators and everything and yet we I am left feeling drained and shaken after I interact with them. I've been trying to find an answer for a while. So a few day ago I just connected to Source and asked for answers.
It turns out I was judging and segregating as much as I thought they were doing to me. I am afraid to be around them because, I am afraid I'll turn into them. I went through much physical and emotional abuse as a child and definately some scars but this is different. So finally as the insight was flowing more freely I figured it out.

We choose as our family, the souls we have the heaviest karmic debt with and pay it off all life so basically I carry in memory lifetimes of negative emotions for the souls who are my current family and now I have to accept them unconditionally to clear this debt.
Afterwards I realized one of my gurus used to say something similar but it never ever registered this way. I find this a tough challenge because I have to do this with my eyes open. ;--)

What a wonderful understanding, Pooja!

I've had similar experiences and have come to similar understandings about my family as well. There was almost continual conflict between us while I was growing up--loud disagreements and hateful conflicts between my parents and sister and I. When I became old enough to know I no longer wished to participate in that kind of drama (in my early teens), I began to spend less and less time around them. I eventually moved out and established my own life and family. Our peaceful home and my life now is a stark contrast to my childhood one. I have a loving relationship with my wife and son, and the very few disagreements we have are usually resolved quickly and smoothly.

It took me quite awhile to understand that, while I could love my family and appreciate the lessons I learned from them, I could choose not to be like them. I could also choose not to be around their continuing dramas and conflict. It is for those reasons that I still spend very little time with them.

For the longest time, I felt guilty about separating myself from them--and it didn't help when they would try to blame on me for our strained relationship. Once I "woke up" however, I realized that they were lashing out at me in the only way they knew how. They still hadn't been able to see past their own "victim" mentality enough to understand that they could choose to live differently if they wished to. For a long time I tried to help them change--to help them understand that life didn't just "happen" to them and that they could take responsibility for positive change, but they never seemed open to creating any kind of change. In fact, my mom would always say, "I am what I am, and if other people don't like it, that's too bad for them."

I now understand much better (as you said) that each soul is on his or her own journey--and that everyone has free will to make their own choices. I can't "make" my family change, nor can I be responsible for their choices. All I can do is love them, forgive them (and myself), try not to be in judgment of them, and have compassion for them--because at the end of the day, only they can ultimately choose how they wish to live.

While my relationship with my parents still isn't what it could be or what I might wish it to be, these understandings have helped me find freedom and peace within myself. I know that I've done and continue to do the best that I can...and I suppose that's all anyone can do.

 

[Solnarehyah]

What a wonderful understanding, Pooja!

I've had similar experiences and have come to similar understandings about my family as well. There was almost continual conflict between us while I was growing up--loud disagreements and hateful conflicts between my parents and sister and I. When I became old enough to know I no longer wished to participate in that kind of drama (in my early teens), I began to spend less and less time around them. I eventually moved out and established my own life and family. Our peaceful home and my life now is a stark contrast to my childhood one. I have a loving relationship with my wife and son, and the very few disagreements we have are usually resolved quickly and smoothly.

It took me quite awhile to understand that, while I could love my family and appreciate the lessons I learned from them, I could choose not to be like them. I could also choose not to be around their continuing dramas and conflict. It is for those reasons that I still spend very little time with them.

For the longest time, I felt guilty about separating myself from them--and it didn't help when they would try to blame on me for our strained relationship. Once I "woke up" however, I realized that they were lashing out at me in the only way they knew how. They still hadn't been able to see past their own "victim" mentality enough to understand that they could choose to live differently if they wished to. For a long time I tried to help them change--to help them understand that life didn't just "happen" to them and that they could take responsibility for positive change, but they never seemed open to creating any kind of change. In fact, my mom would always say, "I am what I am, and if other people don't like it, that's too bad for them."

I now understand much better (as you said) that each soul is on his or her own journey--and that everyone has free will to make their own choices. I can't "make" my family change, nor can I be responsible for their choices. All I can do is love them, forgive them (and myself), try not to be in judgment of them, and have compassion for them--because at the end of the day, only they can ultimately choose how they wish to live.

While my relationship with my parents still isn't what it could be or what I might wish it to be, these understandings have helped me find freedom and peace within myself. I know that I've done and continue to do the best that I can...and I suppose that's all anyone can do.

Thanks Stargazer! I too have an very different family atmosphere now than the one I grew up with. Although for a while I continued to bring all that old energy into this family and caused unnecessary drama. Like you said that is the only way I knew how to do deal with things. I am not at the place you are yet, I am still fighting guilt and just hoping to get to a point where I can accept and live in peace with them without having to disconnect. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

[Stargazer]

Thanks Stargazer! I too have an very different family atmosphere now than the one I grew up with. Although for a while I continued to bring all that old energy into this family and caused unnecessary drama. Like you said that is the only way I knew how to do deal with things. I am not at the place you are yet, I am still fighting guilt and just hoping to get to a point where I can accept and live in peace with them without having to disconnect. Thanks for sharing your story.

You'll get there! Forgiveness and Love can solve just about anything.

 

[KarlaSM]

I am so happy to read this thread! I hope that soon we can get to see more experiences shared by others along the same lines.

Both of you are doing such a great job and I have to say that to ask Source for help is always a beautiful way to be guided towards the best possible solutions, also when we ask our heart for this, we can gain miraculous perspectives.

In my own case I do not come from a family who is interested in having a conscious spiritual connection to themselves and everything else, but the lessons are very challenging and there is a very long way to go before I can make peace with both sides of my family because of excessive abuses of all kinds and too much dysfunctionality among all the members. It is a very long road towards recovery. There is much progress with my mom though and still much to do in that area. Currently I live with her. This year in particular I have been able to release so much pain, but there is still much work to do in that area.

I just hope that one day I can be ready to have a family of my own, which has not happened yet.

Thank you Pooja and Stargazer for bringing forth this topic and for sharing your wisdom and love.

 

[Solnarehyah]

I am so happy to read this thread! I hope that soon we can get to see more experiences shared by others along the same lines.

Both of you are doing such a great job and I have to say that to ask Source for help is always a beautiful way to be guided towards the best possible solutions, also when we ask our heart for this, we can gain miraculous perspectives.

In my own case I do not come from a family who is interested in having a conscious spiritual connection to themselves and everything else, but the lessons are very challenging and there is a very long way to go before I can make peace with both sides of my family because of excessive abuses of all kinds and too much dysfunctionality among all the members. It is a very long road towards recovery. There is much progress with my mom though and still much to do in that area. Currently I live with her. This year in particular I have been able to release so much pain, but there is still much work to do in that area.

I just hope that one day I can be ready to have a family of my own, which has not happened yet.

Thank you Pooja and Stargazer for bringing forth this topic and for sharing your wisdom and love.

Karla, You and stargazer always have a very encouraging response. I don't really live with my family as they are in India, I do visit them annually but I feel connected to them all the time. It's weird in while meditating, I am having conversations with them. It bothers me a lot but I know it just more work I am been guided to do.
Wishing you much love in finding you that loving family Karla

 

[Stargazer]

Karla, You and stargazer always have a very encouraging response. I don't really live with my family as they are in India, I do visit them annually but I feel connected to them all the time. It's weird in while meditating, I am having conversations with them. It bothers me a lot but I know it just more work I am been guided to do.
Wishing you much love in finding you that loving family Karla

Well you have family here too...and you can connect with us anytime!

 

[KarlaSM]

You both are very sweet!!! Thanks a lot my friends!!!

Much love to you both