By guest contributor Dawn Grace Kelly: I’ve always known I easily, successfully and efficiently get things done. In fact, I have prided myself on my ability to achieve and tick things off my always large list. (I am one of those list loving Virgo types.)
I’ve also noticed I like to show off about it to my partner who shows no signs of being as equally thrilled at my ability to do and do as I am. No good girl comes my way and I notice my deflated ego. I can also seek sympathy for how hard I am working, when it doesn’t come I can get frustrated and blamey at his lack of understanding. That’s a sure sign something is amiss. Blame is all about not taking responsibility.
It’s been helpful to recently learn that I connect to external tasks rather than to myself. This, I believe, is an epidemic problem.
Our history often teaches us to please others over ourselves. (Remember the old fashioned “Don’t be selfish” ?) This may be in the form of care taking others when we were too young to be doing so or learning that to get attention we must achieve. This inadvertently teaches us not to honour ourselves. Our esteem gets tied up in caring for others and external jobs as the most important things to be doing. We miss our intuition, internal cues and knowing as we focus out rather than in.
I was reminded of this in my Restorative Yoga class yesterday as my teacher puts more attention on invitation and self enquiry rather than telling us what to do. Yoga can often be about achievement too.
Of course we still want to care for others and get stuff done. How do we continue that without losing our Self? I like to bring my awareness in often to check in with how my body, emotions, thoughts and spirit are doing.
In this moment I notice my body has a need to stand at my desk rather than sit.
I notice feelings of wellbeing at writing. (the positive noticings are worth noting too)
I notice thoughts of concern that I’ll be interrupted soon. (Do I need to assert some better boundaries around my work time?)
And my spiritual self is requiring a candle and incense to keep the vibe high.
These are all things I could easily have missed as I race through my To do list.
Are you important to yourself might be a question you want to ask.
How do you know you’re important? What does it mean to be important?
How will you listen and act on what you need?